


When True Colors Bleed

by LynyrdSkynyrd



Series: Moriría por vos [2]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Ending, Gen, other Barça and Albiceleste players mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-09 19:35:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3261827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LynyrdSkynyrd/pseuds/LynyrdSkynyrd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lionel Messi dies at 5 am on Monday.</p><p>Cris has never slept better than that night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When True Colors Bleed

**Author's Note:**

> Omg, I just realized how wrong my summary sounds! Like, Cris is happy about Messi's death! But if you read No Need for a Cape, you will understand what I mean :)
> 
> But I am worried about how many of you asked me to kill Leo. Wow, okay..
> 
> English is not my first language (actually my English sucks) so, please, forgive any grammatical errors or typos.
> 
>  ***REPOSTING** because I was having a problem with the series, I am still mad..

 

 

> _Please don't cry, we're designed to die._

 

 

Lionel Messi dies at 5 am on Monday.

Cris has never slept better than that night.

 

 

The first thing Gerard heard is clacking off heels echoing down the hall. He wakes up before entering the deeper stages of sleep by this sound, lying on three uncomfortable hospital seats. He sits on the edge of the seat and rubs his eyes. For a moment, he feels bad, for not being in the room with Leo. He feels bad for lying here, like he doesn't care. He didn't plan this. He left the room to talk to Shakira, he didn't want to wake Leo even though they gave him some strong painkillers which makes him sleep for hours. It was late anyway (Shakira is still in America, she was working when Gerard first called her after Leo woke up and if you consider the time difference it was understandable, she is a busy woman after all). After they finally talked for almost an hour, Gerard fell asleep on the seats.

He finally opens his blue eyes to see a small girl standing in front of him. She is so small and bony that at first Gerard thought she was one of the patients. But she is wearing a nurse uniform and she is looking at him with some kind of expectation.

“Yeah? Sorry for sleeping here, I-”

“Sir.” Gerard looks at her small face, big green eyes and.. His heart skips a beat. Something is wrong. He looks at his watch, it's only 5 in the morning and there is no one around other than him. “Doctor Jiménez told me to-”  

Gerard doesn't waste any time, he doesn't stay there to listen her. Later, when he think about that moment, he won't remember when or how he get on his feet or move forward, run until he sees the number and the door that he knows so well now. He slams the door open. Door hits the wall, hard, but Gerard doesn't care, he doesn't even hear the sound, his eyes on the bed that his friend was sleeping. There are two doctors and a nurse in the room. Doctors are talking the each other while nurse is pulling the sheet up over  _his_  head. Gerard stretches his hand forward as a reflex.

“Stop!” Because if they pull the sheet up over his face then Leo can't breath and if he can't breath-

 _Oh, God_.

“Oh, you are here. Señor Piqué.” Doctor Jiménez eyes the defender with dead eyes and an expresionless face. “We sent the nurse to find you, I thought you left with the family but nurse said you decided to stay so-”

“Yeah, yeah.” Gerard runs a shaky hand through his hair and pulls it hard. He must be still sleeping and this is the most absurd dream he's ever had. And the worst nightmare. “What.. What's-” Doctor Jiménez looks at the bed like he has forgotten that his patient was sleeping there.

“Doctor Casals and I were talking about the infection that caused-”  

Gerard feels like he is going to throw up, he wraps his arms around his stomach and Doctor Casals moves forward to catch Piqué who looks like he is going to faint any second. But Gerard leans against the wall. Doctor Jiménez watches him through his glasses, like Gerard is a lab rat. His blank face annoys Gerard so much that he could punch him any second. He looks at him like there is a.. Oh fuck!

Gerard looks at the bed again.  _This can't be happening_.  

“You must understand that stomach w-”

“I don't fucking care!” Gerard finally stares at Doctor Jiménez with hate, anger and pain. “You said he was fine, you said he was going to be okay!”

“We didn't say anything like that.” Doctor correctshim. “This is what you made yourself believe. It is understandable, most of our patients and their families are just like you, they let hope cloud their judgement.”  

Gerard leans closer to the wall, his legs are shaking and he is barely standing on his feet. He can't stay here, he can't stand here, he can't, he can't even look at him! Gerard feels lost in his thoughts, doesn't notice Doctor Casals until he softly touches his arm. His eyes are soft, not like Jiménez's, he looks truly sorry.

“Do you want to call the family or shoulw we-” Gerard waves his hand in the air to silence him.

“I will.” And he leaves the room without waiting for an answer. He walks to the window at the end of the corridor. He opens the window and takes a deep breath, weather is ice cold Maybe cold air would wake him up. But it didn't happen. Gerard stands there, watching sunrise with big blue eyes. He finally understands what this means. That his friend will never see a sunrise again, yet alone a new day. And a sob escapes his lips, Gerard finally starts crying after a long time.

 

 

When the rising sun illuminates the entire city, Gerard decides that everyone is awake without checking his watch. Even though he is not aware of how cold he is under the window he sits, he gradually recovered from his initial shock. Now it is time to be strong.  

His hands reaches for his phone and finds Antonella's name with no urge. He must admit that it is a call that he doesn't want to make, he is _afraid_ to make. How is he going to tell her? How can you tell  _this_  to someone? For a split second, he tries to imagine someone makes this call, tell him that Shakira is.. but it is even hard to imagine something like that. He feels like eight again. He wants to trust his mother about things he can't do or he is afraid to do. But he is no longer a child and it is not a problem that his mother can solve.

He takes a deep breath and finally presses the call button.

Phone rings three times before picking by Anto.

“Hey Gerard.” Her voice is weak, Gerard knows she couldn't sleep at night and wanted to stay at hospital but she has a child to take care of.  _A child she will have to raise alone from now on_.

Hey, Anto.” Gerard murmured.

“Are you okay?” Gerard hears the sound of rustling sheets. “Is everything alright? Gerard? What is wrong?” Gerard takes a shaky breath.

“Anto, I need to tell you something but please, I am begging you, please, calm down.”

“Gerard?” Now her voice sounds worried. Gerard hears a door closing.

“They said they could call but I wanted you to hear from me, not some random, soulless nurse.” Gerard hears her gasping and hates every second of this phone call.

“Don't say those words, Gerard.” Her voice is strong and sharp but there is something so fragile there. Gerard's hand goes to his mouth. His red and puffy eyes fill with tears again.

“Anto-” Anto interrupts him.

“Don't. Say. That.” Gerard hears someone asking her if she is alright in the background.

“I am so, so, so sorry.”

“Don't. Don't.” Antonella keeps mumbling same words over and over again and Gerard leans closer to the cold hard wall, closes his eyes and takes a shaky breath. When they make another documentary about him in the next 10 years and ask her how she felt that moment, she will answer  _“the worst kind of pain I've ever known.”_

“I am so sorry.”

He is.

He truly is.

 

 

It was unexpected and shocking. Not only for fans but also for his family and friends. Barça has placed a giant black ribbon in the center circle of the Camp Nou immediately after the official announcement. They also prepared a special corner of the entrance to the facility for him, another special place inside the building with a huge board where fans and other visitors can write their last wishes and mesagges.  

 

_**Las Leyendas Nunca Mueren** _

 

_Adiós al Mejor Futbolista de Todos los Tiempos_

_Siempre Estarás en Nuestros Corazones_

 

There is a girl with a single red rose she bought from street vendor, crying silently. An old man who has wrinkles on his hands, slowly bending with the help of his granddaughter, leaving another red rose. And hundreds of, thousands of people.

Hearts are heavy with sadness, whole city feel like they just lost their own son. After all, didn't they adopt him when he was rejected by his own people? Every TV Channel making a special program for him, showing his best moments, best goals. Some shows a documentary on him. Others talk about what could he achieve, which records he could break and what kind of awards he could win in the future if he was still alive. But these are meaningless now. They are discussing a future that will never come after all. A life that will never be living again.

Maradona smiles sadly when he hears the news. A perfectly dramatic, heartbreaking ending for a short but fascinating story of one and only Lionel Messi. You cannot write a better script than this. He remembers when he first heard about the kid. He thought Leo was one of those spoiled brats. One of those kids who think he is better than anyone else and will be the future Ballon d'Or winner. Will be the new Maradona or Pelé or who-the-fuck-ever he likes. But when he met the kid, he realized how wrong he was. The kid was shy and humble and quiet, for a moment Diego wondered if it was actually the kid they were comparing him to. But when he saw Leo on the pitch, he never doubted him and his talent again. ' _Let's see if he can surpass me'_ , he said to one of his friends one day. They were watching a U-21 match on TV. Diego called Leo after that. It was a special day. Leo was a special kid. People always worried about Messi ending up like Maradona. He didn't. But every legend has to have a tragic end, they forgot to remember. This is what makes them legends after all. Funny that people actually value things and love them when lose them.

Argentina, Leo's beloved Argentina, mourns after him. Of course they do. Leo never had a great relationship with his country. Many journalists write articles on this issue. They did, because pain sells, because people love to read how much their idols and their stars suffer. It makes the story better, doesn't it? But, yeah, something always went wrong between them. Sometimes people don't listen or think, only judge. They don't want to know your reasons, they don't care about your feelings, there is some to-do lists they give you and if you can't complete it, you are out. You are dead. Society, a crazy breed. Leo's situation was just like that. He always carried a part of his country with him. He even built a small Argentina in Barcelona. His butcher was Argentine, he was always going to same Argentine restaurant, his Rosario accent never changed, his girlfriend was a humble girl from Rosario, just like him. Leo was patriotic like Maradona and people who don't understand why a man like him, a man as careless as him, getting so mad at others for saying  _he is not Argentine enough_ or  _he doesn't care about his country_ didn't know him very well.

Leaving your country at 13, living in a totally different place, a different continent, leaving everything behind and alway missing your homeland, being lonely... above all, an illness which could end his career. Hard, so hard. And Leo was never be able to truly get over it. Maybe this is why he kept in touch with his childhood friends or was so in love with his fatherland. Whatever the reason was, it hurt Leo, a guy who loves his country  _so_  much, to know that his own people didn't love him.

Ah, wish he could see them now. Did he ever felt that much loved by sky blue and white?

 

 

Cris woke up well rested and happy in the morning. Happy is not the right word but he is relaxed and he feels so much better than the last night. He makes himself a toast and a coffee. He looks outside of the kitchen window to see if the weather is alright for a morning jog. Snow turned into water with falling rain in the morning but sun shines brightly in the sky. When Cris finally decides to take a walk, his phone rings. He frowns as he sees Iker's name.

“Have you seen the news?” Cris rolls his eyes,  _typical Iker_.

“Good morning to you, too, Iker.” But Iker sounds nervous and worried and Cris suddenly feels terrible.

“Turn on the TV, Cris.” This is all Iker said. Cris takes his cup of coffee and walks into his living room, turns on the TV. His mug slips out of his hand and falls onto his soft cream carpet. The coffee turns cream into an ugly brown color.

“Cris?” Iker, who heard the sound of broken mug, sounds worried.

“I am here.” He keeps staring at TV with a blank face. He reads captions over and over again. Like he wants to remember each word. “I am here.”

“Are you okay?” Iker asks and makes Cris smile without actually meaning it.

“Why, Iker? Why are you asking? I mean, I am not the one who got stabbed or died after all.” _But it had to be me_.

 

 

LFP postpones Barça's game that week. Teams observe a minute of silence before each game. Somehow life goes on. Football is still there to be played. But the game lost one of its leading actors. Music lost Mozart. And like even grass are aware of the size of the loss, they cry soft rimes.

 

 

Gerard opens the door slowly. He doesn't want to make so much sound, it feels like he is breaking down all the walls, like he is doing something wrong and he will be caught if he makes any sound. In fact, he is only here to check Thiago, look how he is doing. Anto is not doing okay and how could she? So while others are trying to soothe her, Gerard took the duty of watching after little one. He wouldn't call it a duty, Gerard loves Thiago and he always enjoyed spending time with toddler. But this time he feels like a coward. Like he is running away. Thiago's colorful and cheerful room is like a shelter where you can hide from cruel and painful world. When he closes the door, he is imagining of leaving everything behind. This lovely room is the line between the real world and dreams, illusions. And as long as you stay there, nothing can hurt you.

“Uncle Gerard!” Thiago's little hands reach forward and are calling for Gerard. Gerard tries to smile as he walks to him and kneels down next to kid.

“Hey, Thiagui.” Thiago drops his toys and stands up because Gerard is still too tall even if he is kneeling down.

“Are you here to play with me?” Gerard doesn't say anyhing, only nods. Somehow he can't find words. That moment, all the words in the Spanish dictionary, every sound become meaningless. Thiago frowns at him and stares at floor. “I guess papi is mad at me.” Gerard feels his heart drops to his stomach.

“Why would he be mad at you?” Thiago looks at him with those big brown eyes. Eyes so familiar that it hurts. Gerard realizes that all the things he thought about this room before, being a safe heaven and everything, was all lies. Being here hurts, everything about Thiago is sad (a child with a dead father but not old enough to fully understand what it truly means) and reminds him of Leo.

“I don't know.” He shrugs. “He didn't come to play with me. Mami says he is busy but..” He pushes one of the toy with the toe of his shoe. “Papi always had time for me before.” A forced smile appears on Gerard's lips.

“I am sure he loves you so much.” Gerard says as he pushes a lock of hair behind his ear. His hair is longer now, just like when Gerard first met with Leo. And kid looks at him with the same eyes, same piercing, intense gaze.

“I know.” Thiago said simply. “But.. I wish he was here with us.” Gerard finds it hard to breath suddenly. He wraps his arms around the small figure and pulls Thiago against his chest.

“Me too.”

 

 

Funeral is simple and within the family. It is still quite crowded compared to a 'simple' funeral though. Leo's friends from Rosario, Argentina NT teammates, old friends from La Masia, current teammates, Leo's and Anto's families. Kun and Diego finally makes peace, Diego agrees to watch after his grandson (something that he enjoys a lot) and Kun flies to Barcelona. Leo's family wanted ceremony to held in Argentina but then they decided it to be in Barcelona. Because Barcelona saved his life, because Barcelona adopted him and he spent half of his life here. Leo wouldn't mind after all.

Xavi notices Antonella who is sitting on the ground and watches the ceremony, away from the group. Alone. He sighs and without distracting anyone, he walks towards her. Antonella doesn't look like she is aware of Xavi's presence. Xavi stands there for a while, watches her carefully. She looks broken, shattered. He feels bad for watching her like this, softly caresses her arm to show her that he is here, they are all here for her. Antonella lazily looks up at him as if she awakened from a dream. Xavi feels like he must say something to her.

“You have a great family. Leo too. They are and always will be with you. And don't forget us. Whatever happens, Anto, we are here. You are not alone.” Xavi says softly. She frowns and doesn't look at him but her becomes a thin line angrily.

“I have never been more alone. I feel like I have no one. I lost a part of me. He is gone.” She covers her face with her hands. She takes deep breathes to calm herself down. “You can't understand.” Xavi nods even though she can't see. Right, he can't. His wife is here, in the crowd.

Anto finally looks at him. 

“It is not like losing a family member. Losing your mother or father or grandmother is bad, really, really bad. But this.. is different, okay? You are your parents' whole life while they are just a part of yours. After them, you mourn but somehow life goes on. You meet new people, you fall in love.. But your soulmate is different. Because we were supposed to spend our entire life together. He was my life. He was supposed to be by my side when our children grow up and leave the house. We were not against the idea of marriage but he never needed it. We don't need to sign a piece of paper to prove our love to each other. But that doesn't mean we didn't want to live like a married couple. We made plans. Now everything is different. Even when he was away from me, away from Rosario, I knew it. I knew he was living and breathing somewhere. I knew him. I guess I.. I don't know how to live my life without him. I mean, I don't remember a time that I didn't know him. How can I learn a life like that now, hmm, after loving him so much?” She runs a shaky hand through her hair. “I can't imagine a life without him.”

“Me neither.” Gerard says. They didn't notice him before but the tall defender is walking toward them, his hand buried deep in his pockets, blues of his eyes are ice cold. “I mean, I don't know him like you do but we spent a childhood together and it is so hard to remember a time that I didn't know him.”

“At least I have something left from him.” Xavi and Gerard follow her gaze, only to see Thiago sitting on 'Uncle Kun's lap, hugging him. Kun wraps his around Thiago's body like a shield, like he wants to protect him from every harm.

“He has his father's eyes.” she mumbled softly, eyes never leaving Thiago.

Xavi and Gerard don't answer. They don't have something to say anyways.

 

 

When everything is over, they go back to a house that now only belongs to Antonella. They sit in silence, not looking each other, maybe they don't want to because if they do look around, they will notice one empty chair.  

“When doctor told us about his disease, I couldn't sleep at nights.” Celia's voice breaks the silence. “I always thought, ' _what are we going to do, how can we deal with this?'_ We didn't know anything about his illness and suddenly his health was the centre of my life. I dedicated my life to keep him safe and sound.” A small smile appears on her lips, eyes staring at space aimlessly. “He didn't let us help. He wanted to do everything himself. He was so brave, so young but so.. he was an amazing kid. It hurt me to see him doing this to himself but he was strong. He always told me to calm down,  _everything is going to be okay_.” Her smile has vanished from her lips slowly. “After everything we have done and sacrificed.. it shouldn't have ended like this. That is not fair.” Jorge reaches for his wife, caresses her arm softly to give her strength. Celia's hand goes to her mouth to stop a sob that almost escapes from her lips. Soon after, Antonella enters the room. Gerard notices how tired she looks.

“Thiago finally fell asleep.” She sits next to Kun. “Normally he is not that fussy but he must be upset after not being able to see his father 3 days straight. His father is the biggest love of his life.” Their minds falling into a long, deep silence after that. Anto looks at her hands awkwardly. Kun feels her discomfort and reaches for her hand. But she suddenly raises her head and directly look at the empty chair. Her eyes wide open as she gets up immediately. Kun and everyone else in the room look at her surprisedly but she looks away.

“I am sorry, I- I can't be here right now.”

She doesn't wait for an answer, he walks towards the backyard. She closes the door after herself. No one tries to stop her. They know that she needs time. And if she wants to be alone, they have to give that to her.

 

 

Cris watches the house behind his tinted car window. Cris knows how much they like their privacy but the house is surrounded by trees and walls are high and, yeah, it is annoying. It is almost impossible to see anything and Cris knows what he is doing is wrong and creepy but-

Cris notices a woman wanders around the backyard. She is wearing a simple black dress and she has long hair. Cris narrows his eyes to see her clearly and he feels his heart drops to his stomach. He knows her. He sat next to her before, shook her hand, talked to her during award ceremonies.

For a moment Cris feels bad for not listening Iker. Captain always knows the best, right? And he was once again right. It is not good for him, being here, it is no good for Cris. It makes everything worse. But Cris must be here, he has to see and make sure. Because he still can't believe it. So he wants to see what is left from  _him_. And he can't take his eyes off of the woman. She is crying and her dress can't protect her from cold weather and the chair she is sitting on right now must be wet from snow and rain.

Cris remembers they have a child. A little boy.  _Thiago_. He wonders where he is. He finds it hard to breath and his grip tightens around the steering wheel. It is hard to grow up without a father.  _Cris knows_. But it seems like Thiago have a big family and hundreds of people who love him. There will be many to tell him how great his father was.

Cris also thought about football before coming here. Cris could barely remember a time where Messi, the annoying little guy, was not there. Now it is no longer a memory or a dream. Not that Cris actually watches Barcelona or Argentina matches (sometimes he watches Argentina but Ángel is no longer there and Pipa is gone and..). But it was so different now. Without  _him_  . Now that there is no one to compete with him, stop him, what would Cris do when or if he wins his next Ballon d'Or? What will he say?  _Sorry, I may be winning your award, maybe you could win it easily instead of me if you were still alive. Maybe it was going to be your year, you know._

What is the point if there is no competition?

Cris feels strange. He looks at the clear blue sky, sun is shining and it doesn't feel like winter anymore. And it feels like nothing changed. But actually so much has changed.

Cris shakes his head and start the engine. He has a long way to Madrid.

 

 

>  
> 
> _I don't wanna die now, before I touch a heart,_
> 
> _Take me to my home, my fatherland,_
> 
> _As if they're still mine,_
> 
> _Fresh fruit flavours, in their rain._
> 
> _..._
> 
> _If you have time,_
> 
> _Stay a little more._

**Author's Note:**

> But in the end guilt is what actually kills you, right?

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Mad World](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9924404) by [yulin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yulin/pseuds/yulin)




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